Wonderland
by Baby Kitty
Summary: A demented little Fairytale experience that one Ranger will never forget. [complete]
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer – I don't own um, just like to play with their lives…play, screw up... call it what ya want.

Summary – Rita is very interested in the fantasy world of Wonderland and decides to make her own just for the Rangers. Guess which Ranger is forced into wearing the blue Alice dress. (PR Time original team with Tommy) Please review my insanity.

Time– PR Time, Tommy is the Green Ranger and they're all still using the DinoZords.

-o-

I'm Not Wearing This

Tommy

-o-

"I am not wearing this!" Glaring at the others, I dare anyone to make any kind of comment. This is not fair! Why am I the one stuck in the dress? Why!? It makes absolutely no sense.

Leaning against a rock and twirling her gold pocket watch, the Playboy Bunny costume clad Kimberly looks too amused for her own good. "Oh come on now, it's not THAT bad. I mean, hey, look at what I have to wear!" And am I ever. Clad in a pink leotard with pink tights, she has snow-white fur over her chest, ankles, and wrists. Top that all off with a white bunny ear headband, a fluffy white tail, and her watch that looks like something from Tiffany's and you got the cutest rabbit this story's ever seen. But that's not the point; I think I'd rather wear that then this stupid, fruffy dress.

"Don't be so upset, you look…nice." The Cheshire Cat grin spreading across Jason's face makes me want to punch him. Well that's just great, and why exactly is he not in a cat costume? I'm assuming that's what he's suppose to be, right, the Cheshire Cat. So why does he get to wear the fancy, old-time, Noble Men suit, with the red vest and long tailed coat, not to mention pants, with nothing really absurd other then a dark purple cat ear headband.

"Shut up. Just find a way to get us out of here and shut up." Crossing my arms and sitting down on the grassy ground under the oak tree, I try and spare what little shred of dignity I have left. Which is really not going to happen as I suddenly notice the stupid dress ridding up too high on my tight-clad thighs. As I hear the chorus of repressed snickers and laughs I can't help the horrible flush that comes into my cheeks. I hate Rita. I'm going to kill her when I get out of this, off with her head, isn't that what the Red Queen's deal was in this story? Yeah I'm gonna take Rita's head off the second we get home.

"Okay, okay, he is right you guys. We do need to find a way home." Thank you, Trini. Straightening her own dress, the pretty Asian girl looks really very stunning in her costume. She's dressed, I'll take a guess here, as the White Queen. Or maybe the White Queen chess piece. The flowing white gown and rather tall silver crown makes her truly look like royalty.

"Yeah, but I say we have a spot of tea first." Pulling his tall top hat a little to the side, Zack grins as he twirls a teacup around his finger. Great, this place is already getting to him. But then I suppose his character suits him best of all. The Mad Hatter, the insane jokester of this twisted fairy tail. Yep, Zack to a T. Well at least Rita got one of us right.

"You guys, I think we should hold the imprudence for later. Right now we need to get out of here before anything really unpleasant occurs." Take that back, Zack isn't the only one the witch got right. Billy is so the Caterpillar. Sitting beside me, he seems to be getting a headache, guess the land of nonsense is not the land for the intelligent Blue Ranger who relies mostly on reality and science. Greenish blue suit shimmering in the sun, he lazily rolls his smoke bottle between his hands.

God how did we even get into this mess!

-ooooo-

(2 hours ago, Angel Grove Park)

_Sitting under the tree, I try to concentrate on the book. I don't know why I said I'd do a report on this. I mean it seemed like a good idea at the time for my semester final in English. Doing a simple paper on the work and life of Lewis Carol. I mean what kid hasn't read 'Alice in Wonderland' or 'Alice through the Looking Glass'? I guess I just forgot how long the book actually was. And it being such a nice day in the park and all, probably not the best location I could have picked out to reread this book._

"_Whatcha reading?" Jumping nearly a foot in the air as Jason's voice snaps me out of my daydream, I mentally kick myself. This is why I shouldn't be a Ranger. I mean I didn't even hear him come up and I doubt he was sneaking, lord what if it had been Rita or Goldar? I'm gonna die. Taking the book from me, Jase sees the title then gives me a bit of an amused look. I'm reading it for school so you can just wipe that grin off your face._

"_I'm reading it for my term paper. I'm doing it on Lewis Carol and I thought I'd put in some passages from 'Alice in Wonderland' since it was like his best-known story. So you can just stop grinning like a Cheshire Cat." Taking the book back, I mark my page and close it. _

"_Touchy. Besides I wasn't gonna say anything, I was just a bit surprised, you don't strike me as the type to be into…" Trailing off, he gazes out at the lake in front of us. Into what? Do you really want to know? Curiosity killed the cat you know. _

"_Into what?" Putting the book aside, I look anywhere but at him. Great, probably thinks I'm a dork now. _

_Looking back at me, confused for a moment, he seems to recall what he'd said. "Oh, I don't know, nothing. I guess my first impression of you was like this bad boy from LA. I mean I know you're not, I guess it just made me realize it completely when I saw the book." Perhaps thinking he's somehow offended me, he quickly tries to make up for it. He didn't, I mean I know I'm a bit of an outcast, they're only friends with me cuz I'm a Ranger, but I mean he really didn't hurt my feelings or anything. "I didn't mean that how it sounded. Sorry. I just meant you're a surprising person." Is that good or bad?_

"_Oh." I don't really know what to say to that, so I kinda just leave it. "Jase, um, can I ask you something, I mean I really li-" _

"_Hi guys!" Bounding over to us like a bunny on speed, Kim plops down on the ground by me. Great timing. I mean I guess it's not important, I just wanted to ask him why he's letting me even be a Ranger when I can't do anything, but whatever, I guess it's waited for three weeks what's a few more hours. _

"_Hi." Reaching over, I try to slide my book between my back and the tree before she can see it. Jase is one thing, but I really don't need the others thinking I'm all into fa-_

"_Whatcha got there, Dragon Boy?" Coming from the other side, Zack, Billy, and Trini, move to join us. Zack quickly reaches for the book and gets it before I can stop him. Oh great, I'm never gonna live this down. Well that's ju-_

"_Why on Earth must you be so nosy, Zack?" Taking the book from him before he can see the title, Jason sets it in his lap so the back blank cover is showing. "Speaking of noses, can you believe Mrs. Applebee is getting her nose done?" As everyone quickly forgets about the book and jumps on that topic, Jason gives me an 'am I good or what' look. Yeah, yer good._

_-ooo-_

_(20 min. later)_

_Leaning against the tree, I listen halfheartedly to the conversation going on around me. Wish I could just take a nap. Just a nice little catnap, I didn't get too much sleep last night and it would do me good. Eyes closed, I'm still contemplating my nap when I hear the shouting begin. _

"_Thought you learned your lesson last time flea bag!" Opening my heavy eyes, I see Jason facing off with Goldar as the others get into position. Great, so not in the mood for a fight, but then not much choice is there. Climbing to my own feet, I move behind Jason._

"_You'll be sorry for that, human!" Brandishing his sword, he moves a step closer. Um, far be it for me to tell you what to do, Jase, but perhaps it's time to cut the macho act and morph? And by the look on Kim's face she's probably thinking along the same lines. "Putties attack!" As the swarm of Putties appears, we all fall back a little. Morph, now please?_

"_Rangers spread out." Spread out? How about morph? Cuz I think that's a better plan when facing Goldar and this many Putties. Never the less we all spread and begin fighting for our lives. Kick, punch, spin kick, duct, run…S'only when I hear Jason let out a loud yell of pain do I look over to him. _

_Currently fighting Goldar, they both seem to be fighting over something in particular. What is that Goldar's got? As Jason pulls himself off the ground and lunges at the monster again, I finally get a good enough look at it. My book? Why does he want my book? Throwing Jason back down again, I'm sure the boy's got to have a broken rib by now. _

"_Enough!" All of us stopping and turning around, I nearly cringe when I see Rita standing a few feet away. I know I'm being stupid, but you don't know how powerful she is. I do, believe me I saw things at that palace of hers that would give Freddy Krugar nightmares. _

"_What do you want, witch!?" I'm sure he wanted to say something else there. But then I guess Jason's just been taught better manners then me. Holding his side, now I'm sure one of his ribs is broken, Jason stares her down. _

"_So glad you asked. But what would be the fun in telling you? Better to show you." Motioning for Goldar to toss her my book, I'm not even sure I want to know what she's up to. Watch her bring out that dragon creature, the Jabberwock, from the story. That'd be fun. As Goldar throws the book down a few feet away, we all know we're in trouble. _

"_Guys, it's morphen ti-" Finally deciding it's too serious now, Jase gives the order I've been waiting for, unfortunately it's given a tad too late._

"_Bye, bye, Rangers!" Raising her wand, the sorceress opens a bright green vortex over the book. That is so not a good sign, is it. Before any of even realizes what hit us, we're all being pulled into it and wherever it ends up. _

-ooooooo-

(Back to present time)

"Well, how exactly do we get out of here?" Still toying with her watch, Kim looks every with way, seeing nothing but an on going field, broken only occasionally by a tree here, or a rock there. Wait, I take that back, there is one way that leads out of this endless field and surprise, surprise, it's right in front of our faces. When I point to the very large rabbit hole to Kim's right I can practically feel her groan. "And when I asked that question I meant a way besides that hole in the ground, 'Alice'. I am not going down there."

Call me Alice again and I'm gonna pull that fluffy tail right off yer butt, sister. "Fine, then we'll just walk around this field, that by all rights possibly never ends, get lost in the middle of nowhere, die of starvation, in these idiotic costumes I might add, but hey as long as we don't have to go down a hole I guess it's all worth it." Hey, I'm in a dress and white tights, I have a damn right to be cranky. Besides, Jason's looking like I have a point here, so there little Miss Playmate of the month.

Sighing, Jason moves to the hole and peers down it. "I think he's right. I mean as far as we know we're stuck in this play world Rita's created. So I'm guessing since we're in costume and in a story we all mostly know, maybe the smartest thing to do is to follow the story. Maybe if we get to the end of it, we'll find our way out. In any case it beats sitten here for god knows how long and waiting for Zordon to save us." I'm right, go me.

"I don't like it. For all we know Rita's altered the story and we're gonna be dragon food the second we go down there. Wasn't there a dragon in the story?" Still looking at the hole as if the said dragon is going to pop out any second, Kim backs up a touch.

"Yes, it was called the Jabberwock. Never the less I have to concur with Jason and Tommy; it will do us no good to sit here. For all we know Zordon may be unable to locate us for some time, there for I agree that the most intelligent course of action would be to play out the parts we've been give and hope that when the story is finished we may be able to get out of it." So, you agree with me? That's what you said, right Billy?

"I guess that makes sense." Looking a touch lost, Zack goes with the flow. "I mean, what else are we gonna do? Beats just sitting here." True, especially for me, not that I'm crazy about going into wherever and being seen by whoever in this dress. But yeah, it does beat just sitting here and having them tease me to pass the time.

"Yeah, I say we go for it. I mean why not? We've faced worse things then a fairy tail, how bad can it be?" I hate it when one of them asks that. You just jinxed the whole thing, you know that, right Trini. "Of course, it does mean that Kim has to go first. I mean that's how the story goes right? Alice follows the white rabbit down the hole."

Looking rather appalled by this, Kim grips her watch nervously. "Whoa, no way, I may be going along with this, but I am not going first. Jason, you're the leader here, you go for it." You are such a baby, can't even go down a rabbit hole and you fight monsters for a living.

Face weary and a little stressed, Jason scratches his head where the cat headband is. Funny, didn't move an inch, come to think of it Kim's ears haven't fallen yet either. What, they got um super glued to their heads? "Fine. The four of us will go first, then Kim, then Tommy. That's pretty fair as far as the story goes, right? I mean technically we're suppose to be there when Tommy and Kim come down, I think. So Trini, Billy, Zack, we'll go, Kim you wait a few seconds then follow us, Tommy then you."

"I think you all are taking this story business too seriously." The mutter lacks conviction but it's still not a very pleasant or helpful comment from the bunny girl.

"Kim please, we're stuck here for now, so give it a rest. All we have to go on is the story and I think the wisest thing to do is to play along for now." That said, Jason motions for Zack, Trini, and Billy to join him around the entrance of the fairy tale world. "Everyone ready?" When there's a collection of nods, Jase takes a deep breath. "See ya on the other side." Jumping down the dark pit, he's gone in a second; Zack, Trini, and Billy quickly follow.

"We're doomed." Rubbing her temples, Kim looks at her watch again, then at me. Smirking just a little, she turns to the hole. (1) "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date." Not giving me a chance to reply to her silly behavior she's gone in a flash.

"Great, just what I wanted to do on a Saturday. Chase a Playboy Bunny down a hole." Pushing myself to my feet, I tug at the dress trying to make it some how longer. I hate my life. Moving to the hole, I take a deep breath and jump on in.

To be continued………

(1) "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date."

White Rabbit's saying in Disney version of 'Alice and Wonderland'


	2. A Purrfect Red Ranger

Summary– Jason makes his entrance.

-o-

A Purr-fect Red Ranger

Tommy

-o-

Before I can question it, I've landed rather hard on my butt. Looking around I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see I'm in a very large, poorly lit, empty room. Wait, empty! No, no, no, where is everyone? Not even caring that the stupid dress has come up in the fall and I'm currently less then covered, I quickly get to my feet and search every corner. Oh please, I'll take any teasing they have just please don't say they've left me.

Finding nothing in the room except for a stupid table in the center, I feel totally ready to just lie down and wait to be saved. Why would they leave me? I mean I know I'm like the outcast of the group, I've only been with them for three weeks, but do they honestly dislike me so much they'd just leave me?

"I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date, no time to chat, no time for tea, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late." The fait sound of Kim's voice snaps me out of it instantly. Where is she?

Turning around in a circle I look everywhere again, don't see any…a door? How'd that get there? A second ago it was all solid walls and now-never mind just open it. Crossing the room, I pull the large sized oak door open, only to see, how amusing, another door, only half the size of the first. Oh yeah, I'm definitely not loving this story as much as I used to. Pulling open the second door, I know I shouldn't be the least shocked to see a third, this one half the size of the second. Someone shoot me. Opening this and barely reining in the urge to scream profanities, I nearly loss it as I see the fourth, smaller door. I hate you, whoever is up there ruling my life, I hate you with a passion. Yanking this one open, I breathe a small sigh as I see a road and field of flowers on the other side.

Dashing through the flowers, screaming her head off, Kim comes into view. "I'm late, I'm late, no time to drink, no time think, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!" And there goes the bunny girl. But where are the others? Oh well, at least I see her.

"Kim wait!" When she doesn't even turn to acknowledge me, I sigh and stand up. How am I supposed to get through there? How'd it work in the book? Gazing around the room I try to remember. Something about a river of tears? No, that's not right…Eyes suddenly resting on the no longer empty table, I see a small bottle of what looks like Cherry Coke, and a plate of pancakes. I don't think that's how it was in the book, but oh well; I like pancakes so who's arguing. Moving to the table, I pick up the bottle and then one of the pancakes. Oh that's cute. Written in whip cream on the pancake are the words _'Eat Me'_, while the label on the Coke bottle reads '_Drink Me'_. Now which one is suppose make me smaller? Shoot, can't remember if the drink shrunk Alice, or the food.

Taking a bite of the pancake, I wait to see what'll happen. Well, it said 'Eat Me' okay; it was too amusing to not go for that one. Waiting a few minutes, I finally give up when nothing happens. "Well guess I chose wrong, cuz I don't see any change." Sigh, okay, well guess it's time for plan two.

Moving back to the door, I clear my throat. Well now bare in mind the door in the story was alive, so yeah this may seem stupid if any of the others walk in, but I'm a little desperate here. "I'm gonna close these doors again and if I can't get through the big one when I reopen it, I'm gonna set the whole stinken place on fire and burn you into kindling." That said and doors reclosed, I wait a minute and try opening the first, large one again. Well what a pleasant surprise, no doors behind it, just the exit it a nice field of flowers. Lucky me. "Thank you." Stepping through I jump a little when the door slams shut behind me. Guess some things just can't a take a joke.

"Now where'd Kim go?" Gazing around the flower garden, I don't see the bunny anywhere. Guess I'm not the only one who's cranky. Maybe she's getting back at me for suggesting the whole going through the rabbit hole thing.

"The bunny is mad, she behaves rather bad. If you're not careful, you'd better be fearful." Gazing up, I see a very pleased looking Jason, grinning down at me from a thick branch of an oak tree. Fabulous, I'm freaking out and he's playing games and speaking poetry, very sorry poetry at that.

"That was quite awful." Did I just say quite? Whatever. Hands on hips, I wait for him to get his butt down here, and stop fooling around. We have to get out of here and I am certainly not getting separated from the others again.

Grin widening, he remains in exactly the same place. "Would you purr-fer another poem? (1)They are waiting on the shingle-will you come and join the dance? Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance? Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance? You can really have no notion how delightful it will be, when they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea. But the sn-"

"Enough!" God what is wrong with him? And think, he's the leader of the Rangers. Geez. Glaring up at him, I try and figure out just what's wrong. Why is he acting so…so…

"So mad?" As if reading my thoughts, he finally jumps down from the branch and lands with all the grace of a cat in front of me. "Because dear gir-err boy, we're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad, that little halfwit bunny girl is most certainly mad." He did not just about call me a girl. Is that why I have to be in a dress? Because I'm not all muscular and macho like the other guys? Well why the hell couldn't it have been Kim or Trini? That's it I'm hitten the gym when we get home.

"I am not mad, I am frustrated, and how exactly do you know you're mad?" This is ridiculous; we have to get out of here. Then why are you striking up a conversation? Shut up.

"If I wasn't, would I be in a place of madness? Tell me, where are you going?" Jason, you know exactly where we have to g…oh no. He's not playing is he? That's why he and the others weren't there, because they weren't supposed to be. We're all playing parts in this stupid story, that's why Kim didn't stop when I called to her, that's why Jason is acting so…insane.

"What shall I call you?" I am not calling him Cheshire Cat, that's for damn sure. Come on, I'm not completely gone; I still know what we have to do and who I am. Why doesn't he?

Grin still in place, he eyes me critically. "What shall I call you?" In a minute you can call me cab to get me the hell out of here and back to reality. Sigh, guess I have no choice but to play along.

About to say Tommy, I suddenly stop myself. Why doesn't that sound right? Something about it…"Thomas, now will you tell me what to call you so we can move on. I need to get to the Red Queen and the end of the story and I can't very well do that with you keeping me h-"

Eyes widening, his grin falters for the first time since I saw him here. "The queen you say? Oh you shant want to go there. What on earth for? Are you going to play crochet with her? She has an awful temper you know, off with their heads an all that." I'll bet. Wonder who got sucked into playing the queen anyway, hmm, well now I'm more curious about it then anything.

"Well I do want to go there and if I have to play crochet to get of this mad house that's what I'll do. Now we've wasted enough time, come on." Taking his arm, I start on down the path through all the flowers. Stupid place, stupid story, stupid dres-oph! What's the big idea! As Jason stops abruptly, I'm stopped too. "What is wrong? We have to get going!"

Shaking his head, He pries my hand from his arm. "No, no, little boy, I purr-fer to simply annoy. This trip is yours to take, it proves to be no piece of cake. So you'll excuse me child if you please, but I will remain here in the tre-oph!"

"Screw that, you're coming." Grabbing his arm again I begin pulling him along. I am not doing this alone, whether you care to remember or not, you're the leader, you're the senior Ranger, you are gonna get your butt in gear and protect me from this stinken place cuz I sure can't fight off any monsters in a dress!

To be continued………

(1)

"_Will you walk a little faster?" said the whiting to a snail._

"_There's a porpoise behind us and he's treading on my tail._

_See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!_

_They are waiting on the shingle-will you come and join the dance?_

_Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?_

_Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?_

_You can really have no notion how delightful it will be, when they take us up and_

_throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea. But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and_

_gave a look askance-_

_Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance._

_Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?_

_Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?_

The Mock Turtle sings recites this to Alice in 'Alice in Wonderland'.

(2) "We're all mad here." Cheshire Cat says this to Alice in the computer game and book 'Alice'.


	3. Mad as a Ranger

Summary – Tea parties suck.

-o-

Mad as a Ranger

Tommy

-o-

Storming along the path, I try to get my breathing under control. I'm tired, my feet hurt, I'm thirsty, and hot in this heavy material. Not to mention dragging Jason along for nearly half an hour didn't help things. At least he's walking calmly beside me and not arguing any more.

"Are you alight?" Gazing over at me, as I'm sure he can hear my ragged breathing, he looks much more concerned now. Yeah, I'm just peachy.

"Tired." Not to mention lost, I think. We left the flower garden like an hour ago and have been in this forest it seems for two. I have no idea where we are and Jason hasn't said anything concerning our location.

Reaching down I pull off my black shoes. No wonder my feet hurt, they're those little girl shoes with the shiny black material and buckle over the top. Was so concerned with the dress didn't even notice the shoes I guess. Tossing the things to the ground I decide to walk it bare foot…okay so stocking covered foot, the stupid white tights go all the way and cover my feet too. You know what, I'm suddenly very glad Jase has no idea who I am; I don't think I'd ever be able to live this down.

"Well the Hatter's place is just up and around the bend. Do you think you can make it there?" The Hatter…Zack! Yes, thank god, finally we can get another Ranger and get out of here. Maybe Zack isn't as far gone as Jase, maybe he still remembers what we have to do.

"Yes! Let's go." Grabbing his wrist, I begin running in the direction he pointed. Hey, with the prospect of someone else having a clue, I have enough energy to run. Taken by surprise, I barely notice as Jason struggles and staggers to keep up with me.

Upon reaching the edge of a clearing, I feel the waves of relief flood me at being out of that forest. Suddenly felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, you know right before the flying monkeys came and tried to kill um all in the forest. Both of us walking into the clearing, I'm a little take back when I see the large oddly shaped house in the distance. Weird, looks like something Picasso would design.

Pointing away from the house and to the left, Jason draws my attention. "There's the Hatter. He's quite mad you know. But then we-"

"Yes, yes, we all are, I get it." Gazing where he is, I see the large table, which by all rights looks like ten tables put together. There are dishes stacked in impossible ways, teacups and pots all over the place, on the table and under, out of the fifteen chairs there I doubt if any of them match. But who cares, it's a chance to sit down and have something to drink.

Crossing the space, I smile as I see Zack chatting with Kim at the far end of the table. Yes, two for one! "Hi guys!" Bounding over to them, I grab a chair and watch as Jase simply stands off to my side. Fine don't sit.

Barely turning to acknowledge me, Kim gives me a look. "It wasn't very polite of you to sit without being invited." Taking a cup from the array in front of her, she takes a loud sip and tosses it to the ground. I'm not polite, look how you're behaving.

Giving her a look back, I dismiss it rather quickly. "I'm sorry, I didn't know it was a private party. Listen Zack, we need to go to th-"

Before I can even finish Zack cuts me off. "Private parties are never private and if they were they'd be rather crowded." Riiiight. Okay, yeah, I'm going with Jase now, they are all mad here. "You should cut your hair, it's quiet unbecoming for a young lady to have such proper hair." I'd hurl a teapot at him if I didn't think he'd enjoy it.

"It's very rude to make remarks like that, not to mention call young men young ladies." Teeth clenched, I try to bear in mind that he doesn't know who he really is, and this is just how the character is in the story.

Picking up a teapot, Zack pours a large amount of the brown liquid onto the butter in the butter dish. "It's very rude for young men to wear dresses when young ladies have none to wear." I'm going home, forget all of them, I'm just going to find the stupid end of the story and go home. "Tell me do you sing?"

Rubbing my eyes, as I feel a migraine coming, I try to keep up best I can. "No, I don't sing. I need to get to the Red Queen. Can you tell me how to get to the Red Queen?" You'll notice I'm no longer inviting people to come with. Well hopefully if I can get out I can just bring them out. It'll be much safer for them to stay here where I won't be tempted to kill them on the trip anywho.

"I sang for the queen once. I'll sing it to you." Before I an even begin to protest he's begun. (1)"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! How I wonder what you're at! Up above the world you fly! Like a teapot in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle-"

"For the love of my sanity stop." Groaning, I lay my head down in my hands. I don't want to be the only sane one in this world. Why can't I have gotten an easy job of insanity like everyone else?

"Sanity, you want us to love your sanity? How peculiar. I knew a mouse who was full of sanity once…oh wait that was vanity…switch places!" Before I can even begin to understand that mess, Kim and Zack both get up and move chairs, each sliding one over to the left, so Zack now has a clean spot and Kim is in his old one. Suddenly both go very quiet and look at me. Oh brother.

Sliding over into Kim's abandoned spot, just so they don't throw something at me, I sulk in the uncomfortable chair. "Never been to such a stupid tea party in my life." Muttering bitterly, I mentally remind myself that I've never actually been to a tea party aside from this one. But then I think it's safe to say this is still going to be the stupidest one I'll attend in my life.

"How dare you say such a thing on my unbirthday. How rude you are." Picking up a cup of sugar, Kim dumps the whole thing in her large purple teacup. Your unbirthday? What the hell is an unbi-

"It's your unbirthday!? Why it's mine too!" When Kim gasps a truly shocked and pleased 'no' they both jump up and climb on the table. Oh for the love of god. (2) "A very merry unbirthday to you! To me! To you! A very merry unbirthday to you! To me! Throw up you're hat, drink some tea, a very merry unbirthday to me! To you!" That's it I'm out of here.

Getting up I quickly grab Jason's arm and steer him away from the table. Thankfully he comes with me without a protest. Once we're far enough away that I can only hear the faint unbirthday song in the distance do I breath a small sigh of relief. "That was ridiculously horrible."

"I told he was mad." Voice soft, but not smug, he gazes over at me. Yeah you told me. I guess maybe I should listen to you from now on, even if you're not much better off then Zack back there.

"I know." Walking on, I stare intently at the ground. I just want to go home.

After a few minutes of tense silence, he finally breaks it up. "Did they truly upset you that much?" Sigh, no. I mean it was frustrating, but I know they can't help it. I just want normal friends and a normal life and this hardly constitutes either of those. I knew I wasn't cut out to be a Ranger. I can't even handle a simple fairy tale crisis like this, how am I gonna handle really big things?

"No…I just want my friends back and to know everything's gonna be okay." Cuz what if I can't make it okay? What if me getting to the Red Queen does absolutely nothing? We could be stuck here forever.

Remaining silent and perhaps deep down trying to find himself under the character, Jason finally responds in a way that makes me feel a hundred times better. Moving closer to me, he wraps his arm around me shoulders and pulls me close to him as we walk. "It'll be alright, bro. I'll help you find the Queen." He did the brotherly hug gesture and called me bro. Thank you god. At least I know he's still Jason, whatever spell or deal this place has on him, he's still Jason inside, which means that Kim, and Zack, and Billy, and Trini are all there too.

"Thanks Jase." Leaning into him a little, I finally feel a tad better.

"Sure…Want some tea now?" Holding up a red teacup with his free hand, he gives me that grin again. We're doomed.

To be continued…..

(1)

"_Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!_

_How I wonder what you're at!_

_Up above the world you fly,_

Like a teapot in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle-"

The Mad Hatter recited this during the tea party in 'Alice in Wonderland'

(2) A very merry unbirthday, was a song the Hatter sang to the white rabbit in the Disney version of 'Alice in Wonderland'.


	4. Bugging a Ranger

Summary – Is Billy going to be ANY help at all? Probably not.

-o-

Bugging a Ranger

Tommy

-o-

Walking along for what seems like hours, we've headed back into the forest again. "You know maybe we should go see the Caterpillar. He's supposed to know everything, purr-haps he knows how to get to the Red Queen and King." Stretching, Jason looks fairly indifferent about this suggestion, even though it's his, and in my opinion it's a very good one.

"Where would we find the all knowing Bil-err, Caterpillar?" If anyone in this place is still sane, it'd be Billy. The genius is far too smart to get sucked into this mindless dribble.

Pausing and looking around us, Jason finally takes my hand and leads me off of the path and into the trees. This is probably a really bad idea. Again as if reading my mind he stops monetarily to reassure me. "I know where the path is and I can easily find the way back, so don't fret over it dear boy. Now do you wish to see Caterpillar or no?" Sigh, guess I don't have much choice.

Nodding, we head off again deeper into the trees. It doesn't take very long at all before we come to a clearing that is full of the oddest-looking plants and flowers I've ever seen. "What are these?" Bending down to pick up one of the mushrooms, I'm almost immediately stopped by Jason.

"Shouldn't pick the Toadstools, it can be very hazardous." Oh, okay. Not even gonna ask how. Leaving the mushroom thing alone, I get up and walk a few more feet into the field before I see it. There, next to two very large Willow trees is an array of mushrooms as big as Jase and myself. And sitting on one of the bigger ones is none other then the Blue genius himself. Running over to him, I don't even get to say hi before he cuts me down with a very cold look.

"Who are you? Or better yet, _what_ are you?" Billy, please, don't you know me? Come on, you were like my last hope here. Eyes not even really focusing on me, he continues to trace the pattern on the smoke bottle with his fingers.

"It's me, Tommy? Billy, don't you know me? Come on bro, please." Moving closer, I try to get him to actually look at me.

"How can I know you, when you haven't even told me who you are." But I just did! "Further more how can I be expected to believe you are who you say you are when clearly you don't know who you are anymore then I do?" What?

Sighing and sitting down on a rock, I try to keep from having a breakdown. "I don't understand what you mean." But then I don't understand what anyone means around here, so I guess I shouldn't feel so bad.

"Of course you don't." Putting the hookah into his mouth and drawing a breath from the bottle, he releases a blue smoke ring into the air. Well that's just great, you just go ahead and play smoke rings while we all die here.

Getting up, I move back to Jason. Forget it, we'll just have to find the palace on our own. Kinda figured we would. "Come on, let's go."

Staring, as if right through me, Billy blows another smoke ring before finally addressing me again. "Repeat 'You are Old Father William'." Stopping, I turn back to face him. Oh I actually remember that poem from the book! Go me! Okay, and I'm all happy about knowing the poem because…

"If I do, will you tell me how to get to the Red Queen?" There we go, lets play make a deal. Finally I have some control over what's happening here. Yeah, unless he says no, or gives you a nonsense answer like Zack did.

"Beggars can't be choosers and pieces can't be wholes, but choosers can be beggars and wholes can be pieces. It all really depends on how you put it together. Do you see?" I'm just gonna go over there and bang my head against a tree for a few minutes and then maybe I will. Drumming his fingers on the smoke bottle, he looks at me impatiently and it'd seem with a lot of annoyance.

"Yes, I see." Hey, I'm just gonna say what he wants to hear and that can be that.

"Good, then do as you're told not as you're asked." Meaning repeat the poem? Well we're gonna go with that, because right now I don't know what else to do.

"Okay." Clearing my throat and looking back at Jason for any kind of help, what a surprise he gives me none; I begin the poem as best I can remember it. (1)"You are old, Father William, the young man said, and your hair has become very white. And yet you incessantly stand on your head. Do you think at your age it is right? In my youth, Father William replied to his son, I feared I might injure my brain. But now that I am perfectly sure I have none, why I do it again and aga-"

"I should say so." What? Hey I'm reciting something here, everyone around here is rude. Zack tells me I need a haircut and called me a girl, Kim wanted me banned from the tea party, and now he's interrupting me when I doing something he asked me to do!

"Excuse me?" What did he mean by that anyway?

Looking bored, he waves his hand as if to dismiss me entirely. "I should say so, that you have no brain. Especially with the way you are telling the tale." When I can't even comment and just give him a look somewhere between shook and outrage, he snaps his fingers in my face. "Well go on with it then, I did not tell you to abandon the tale now did I. It's very rude to stop in the middle of something. You should always start at the end and stop at the beginning but never in the middle, unless of course you start in the middle that is."

Now I'm so confused, I don't even know if I have a reason to be mad anymore. "Um.. In my you...oh I already said that part..uh.. You are old, said the youth, as I mentioned before, and have grown most uncommonly fat. Yet you turned a back-somersault at the door, pray what is the reason for that? In my youth, said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, I kept all my limbs very supple. By the use of this ointment, one shilling a box, allow me to sell you a couple."

"That will suffice." I didn't do that bad, geez Billy, cut me a break. "You are dismissed now." Waving me off, he turns around and goes back to staring at the colorful plants. Wait just a goddamn minute here!

"It wasn't that bad. Well whatever, to each his own opinion I suppose. It doesn't matter, what matters is I get to the Red Queen's palace. Now will you please tell me the way, seeing as how I've done as you've asked and put up with your idiotic criticism?" Glaring up at him, I can feel my blood boil as he refuses to even turn around and acknowledge me now. That's it, I swear I am five seconds away from killing him or crying, I want to go home and I want my friends back, and I am tired of this stupid place, and these stupid characters, and this stupid costume, and-

"Tell him, or I'll claw your eyes out and feed them to the Jabberwock." Coming up beside me, Jason shows his nails. I didn't notice before, but they are in fact quite long and thick, looking more like claws then finger nails.

This actually seems to get Billy's attention. Turning back around and looking briefly at the claws, he makes a small thoughtful noise. "Well no need to be hostile. Keep your temper as I say. Well now, it's really quite simple you know, you can't get where you're going by going there, you have to go back to go forward, so the obvious answer would be to go back to the beginning and end where you started." I hate this place.

"Good." Turning to go, Jason begins leaving, as I'm still too horribly confused and shocked to follow. What did that mean? Jason's acting like Billy just answered the question of the universe and- "Come on." Taking my hand he leads me away from Billy and back through the woods.

Only once we're back on the path do I find my voice. "But he didn't say anything that made any sense!" Giving him pleading eyes, I beg him to tell me I'm right. This is ridiculous; you have to be insane to be sane around here!

"You upset too easily." Taking my hand again he leads me to a rock and sits me down. "Here, I know exactly what will make you feel better." Don't ask, don't ask, you don't want to know. Dashing off into the trees again he seems to want to abandon me now. Well that's just great. Fine, you know what I don't care anymore! We'll all just stay stuck here forever and then I'l-

"I told you we should have gone left! But you just had to go counterclockwise!" Oh lord what on earth now? Coming into the small clearing, Skull continues to yell and throw curses behind him. What the-

"No, I said go clockwise, you said counter that and go the up of it. Which is how you spoiled the rattle!" A few paces behind, Bulk now emerges. Jase, come back please? I mean as if this place wasn't insane enough let's just throw these two into the mix rig…wait a second.

"Excuse me." Standing up and blocking there path, I check out their clothes. Hmm, they look like sailor suits. Only except the white navy hats they're wearing red and yellow striped beanies. "Um hey, like no offense or anything but you all aren't supposed to be here. See you weren't in the opening act an all and so there's no logical reason or way for you two to be here now dressed as Tweedledum and Tweedledee."

Both exchanging quick looks, they seem at a momentary loss for what to do. Too bad it's only momentary. Grabbing my collar, Bulk glares at me. "Shh, you're not sticking to the script." Letting me go quickly and clearing his throat, he motions for Skull to stand beside him as I fall back to the ground on my butt.

Clearing his own throat, Skull stands completely erect and begins his lines. (2)"Mhmph, Tweedledum and Tweedledee agreed to have a battle. For Tweedledum said Tweedledee had spoiled his nice new rattle. Just then flew down a monstrous crow, as black as a tar-barrel. Which frightened both the heroes so, they quite forgot their quarrel."

Clapping sarcastically, and yes that is possible, I get up and brush myself off. "That was great, guys, really. Now will you kindly leave so I can get back to sulking?" When they both give me displeased looks, I let out a groan and dare ask. "What? What now?"

Reaching under his hat, Skull holds up a piece of paper with the words 'ask about Red Queen' written on them. I hate my existence.

"Fine, fine, I know I'm going to regret this but, can you tell me how to get to the Red Queen?" I swear whatever they say I know it's just going to tick me off. Where's Jase? I need him to threaten to claw their eyes out like he did, Billy.

Both shaking their heads, they 'tsk tsk' me. "Say please." Oh yeah definitely want their eyes clawed out.

"Please."

Grinning slyly at each other, they seemed determined to try me. "Say pretty please."

"How about I say that even though I'm in a dress I could still kick both of yer butts. And further more seeing as how we're alone in the woods, I wouldn't have to worry abut anyone finding any bodies." I'm not a happy camper right now, okay?

This time the exchanged look is one of worry. Good. "Um, well in that case, we'll tell you but you have to listen to our story first." Bulk I am not anywhere near in the mood for this!

Before I can protest though, Skull has taken it upon himself to go into the poem already. (3)"The sun was shining on the sea, shining with all his might. He did his very best to make the billows smooth and bright, and this was very odd because it was the middle of the night. The moon was-"

"Yes, yes, I've heard this before, it leads into the Walrus and the Carpenter's tale. I know. The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, and ships, and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings, and why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings. I've heard it, then they eat the Oysters they tricked into leaving the sea." I have a headache. I mean I'm all for a little nonsense here and there, but this is too much.

Looking displeased by this, they shrug and begin walking away. "Well then if you know everything there is to know then we don't see why you need our to get you to the Red Queen." That said they head back into the trees.

"Back!" Coming up behind me, Jase hands me what looks like a bright green and blue cane...no folded up umbrella.

"What on Earth is this?" I know I really shouldn't have asked that.

Taking it back, he opens it up showing the bright colors and lacey trim running along the bottom. "A parasol. I figured you felt bad since you didn't have and every proper wom…um…person in a dress should have one. So here ya go." Giving it back to me, he seems more then pleased.

That's it, I'm finding the Jabberwock and feeding myself to it.

To be continued……….

(1)

"_You are old, Father William," the young man said, _

"_And your hair has become very white;_

_And yet you incessantly stand on your head-_

_Do you think at your age it is right?"_

" _In my youth," Father William replied to his son, _

"_I feared I might injure my brain;_

_But now that I am perfectly sure I have none, _

_Why I do it again and again"_

"_You are old," said the youth, " as I mentioned before, _

_And have grown most uncommonly fat;_

_Yet you turned a back-somersault at the door-_

_Pray what is the reason for that?"_

"_In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, _

"_I kept all my limbs very supple. _

_By the use of this ointment, one shilling a box, _

_Allow me to sell you a couple."_

"_You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak_

_For anything tougher than suet;_

_Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak-_

_Pray how did you manage to do it?"_

"_In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,_

_And argued each case with my wife;_

_And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,_

_Has lasted the rest of my life."_

"_You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose_

_That your eye was a steady as ever;_

_Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose-_

_What made you so awfully clever?"_

"_I have answered three questions and that is enough,"_

_Said his father; "Don't give yourself airs!_

_Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?_

_Now be off, or I'll kick you downstairs!" _

Caterpillar makes Alice recite this in 'Alice in Wonderland'

(2.)

_Tweedledum and Tweedledee _

_Agreed to have a battle. _

_For Tweedledum said Tweedledee _

_Had spoiled his nice new rattle. _

_Just then flew down a monstrous crow,_

_As black as a tar-barrel. _

_Which frightened both the heroes so, _

They quite forgot their quarrel

Alice says this in 'Alice through the Looking Glass'

(3.) 'The Walrus and the Carpenter' is a three page poem so not gonna write all that out, but it's in Alice Through the Looking Glass' recited by the Tweedles.


	5. Before and After

Summary – You have to go back to go forward. Better press on.

-o-

Before or After

Tommy

-o-

"You have no idea where we are, do you?" I really don't think he does. Or if he does he's just messing with me and taking the long way. Well at least we're out of that god-awful forest.

Stopping and giving me a look, he points across the field we're on and to the oddly patched one down the way. "What an-"

"Stop right there!" Both of us turn and groan as two men come ridding up to us on heavily armored horses. I can't believe those poor animals can even walk in all that stupid metal. Why would anyone cover their horse like that?

Snorting, I glare at them. "You could say please." People around here are just so rude.

Ignoring me for the most part they circle around Jase. Oh so I'm the one in the dress and yet he's just Mr. Popular. Doesn't that figure. "Cheshire Cat you are to be taken to the jail under direct orders of the Duchess at once." What!? Oh no you don't!

Getting in-between them and Jase, who looks more annoyed then worried, I'm ready to kick them off those horses. "He's busy right now, try back later." Rearing their horses, they force me out of the way and throw a net over Jase. "Hey! You can't just steal my guide!" I say as I sit on the ground.

As one grabs the net and hauls Jase up and onto the back of his horse, the other turns to me. "Silence gir…oh um..boy?" Shut up, you're in enough trouble. You shall suffer my wrath!

Standing, I try to be as menacing as I can from six feet below him. "I'm going to hurt you a lot….and stop him, he can't take Jase!" Ridding off in the opposite direction, the guy with Jase seems done with this matter now that he has my cat boy.

Shaking his head, my guy keeps me from running after them. "He's been ordered to the jail, only the Duchess can say otherwise." Grr, I truly and utterly hate this place.

I give up. "Fine where's this Duchess?"

Turning his horse around, he points across the chessboard patterned field. "Across the field. Though unless you're already there you're not expected." I think I'll take my chances.

Gazing across the huge area, I sigh. I so don't want to walk anymore. And I swear to god if I get mauled by any chess pieces there is so going to be hell to pay! "Gee thanks for that little tip." Turning back to him, I see he's already headed off after his partner. Whatever, guess I don't have much choice now but to go see this Duchess.

-oooooooo-

Okay, I've been knocking on this door for five minutes now and my patients is definitely wearing thin. Trying the doorknob and finding it unlocked, I give up and just go on in. I seriously doubt this place gives a damn about breaking and entering laws. "Excuse me, um is anyone home?"

"Are you the new help? You should have been here two hours after yesterday and addressed yourself afterward." Coming down the long hall, which seems to be the only thing beyond the front door, Trini hurries to me. You had Jase arrested? Oh this should be good.

Closing the door, I rein in the urge to shake her really hard. "I'll remember that for next time, Trini."

Stopping a few feet away from me, she regards me with great displeasure and shock "You address royalty in such a manner? No jam for you." Aw, no jam? Really, well gee that just kills me. Yeah, I'm getting really bitter here.

"I don't want any jam, I want Jason out of jail." When she doesn't even look at me, I bite my tongue and bow. "You majesty."

Thankfully looking at me now, she still doesn't seem to have her mind where it needs to be though. "It's very good jam you know. Though you couldn't have any if you wanted it. We never have jam today. Always yesterday or the day after but never the day it is."

I have a headache. "That's special. Can you please let the Cheshire Cat out of jail now?" I need to get to the Red Queen here, Trini. And chances are once I do I'm gonna need some help in fighting her.

"Of course not. How silly you are, he has to be in jail before his trial begins which needs to be done before he commits the crime." Okay that seriously makes _no_ sense. How can you put someone in jail if they haven't even done anything yet!? And I thought our judicial system was fucked up.

"He hasn't committed the crime yet?" Let's make sure I'm getting this straight here.

Seeming shocked, she shakes her head. "Of course not. What a silly thing to ask. Why would he be in jail if he'd already committed the crime?" You know what, if that was the case I think I should be in jail, because I'm about five seconds away from trying to call my Dragon Zord and going Evil Green Ranger on this world.

"I don't understand, why should he be in jail if he hasn't done anything yet!?"

Shaking her head and looking at me rather sadly, she pats me on the head. "You're a very confused child aren't you?" And you're not? Don't ever do that again by the way.

Not in the mood to argue, I nod. "I suppose so."

"Were you never punished for doing something wrong?" That's highly beside the point.

"Well yes, but I had already done something wrong and was punished after I'd done it, so that makes all the difference. But to punish someone for something they haven't even done yet is just wrong. I mean suppose they never even do the wrong thing they're being punished for?" I never liked being lectured or grounded, but if I was and hadn't even done anything yet to deserve it I would have been furious.

"Well that would be all the better now wouldn't it?" But he…er, well, that's not the point…yes okay so it would, but still. Alright that's it, when these people start making sense around here I know I've been here too long.

"Well…yes I guess so, but then it's wrong to punish them." I think I'm losing this argument.

"Oh dear." Taking a ribbon out of her hair, she begins winding it around her left index finger tightly. Should I even ask? I'm going to regret this, I just know it.

"Why exactly are you doing that?" She's going to cut off the circulation if she keeps it up.

Finishing up and tying the ribbon so it stays on, she regards me sadly. "I'm going to cut my finger." I see, you're going to cut your finger. Of course, why didn't I think of that.

"What?"

Pointing to her jeweled pin, which is clasped around the collar of her dress, she still seems upset. "On my pin, I'm going to cut my finger on my pin, when it pops open." Aww. Can we get back to the Jason issue now?

"If you know you're going to cut your finger and how you're going to cut it why don't you just avoid doing it then?" I know, I know I'm letting myself be sucked in here, but seriously now, if you know what's going to happen why not just avoid doing it?!

"How on Earth do you expect me to do that, when I've already cut it?" Unwrapping the ribbon now, she carefully ties it back in her hair. Anyone got any aspirin?

"But you haven't already cut it!" And I'm letting myself get upset about this because? Maybe because she's my friend and I don't want her to get hurt. Or maybe because I just feel like arguing now. Either way.

"Yes, I have, it's now bleeding. Which is something that happens to one's finger that's been cut." It is not bleeding you nut job.

Growling, I'm ready to just take the pin from her before she can hurt herself, assuming she actually will. "This is absolutely re-"

Dear lord! Covering my ears as she begins letting out ear-piercing screams, I'm now worried about her. Geez, you'd think someone had cut off her foot for screams like this! Maybe I should try and find a doctor, or get her to lye down or something! But then just as suddenly as they'd started, she falls quiet again. "There, much better." What!?

Uncovering my ears, which are still ringing, I regard her with disbelief. "Was that really necessary?"

Regarding me with mild surprise, she holds up her finger. "Of course, wouldn't you scream if you had cut your finger?" Yeah but not like that. And you didn't cut it damn it!

"But you didn't cut it yet!" Don't strangle her, just stay calm and in control, here.

"Aw but I shall." That said she begins straightening her pin, when as predicted it pops open and makes a small slice across the tip of her finger. "Op, see there we go." Ignoring the injury she fixes the pin and returns her attention to me.

Okay, I _have_ to ask. "Why aren't you screaming this time? Doesn't that hurt?"

"What's the good in screaming again? I've already done that, and why should I scream before I've hurt myself. My you are strange child." Not half as strange as you, sister.

"Look, can you please just let my friend out of jail?"

"Of course not, he won't be caught until next week, so he can't be released now, now can he? Besides, it's almost time for tea." Mustn't kill her. Mustn't kill her. She is my friend and I love her and I will not kill her.

Taking a deep breath, I try to force a smile. "Where exactly is the jail?"

"Why you're in it of course." Showing me her key, which I hope will open any and all the doors here, she then places it back in her pocket. Of course. Why not, I mean seriously, what was I expecting. I give up. Fine you want to play like that, okay, I can do this.

Pointing down the seemingly never-ending hall, I don't even try to be dramatic. "Look the Jabberwock." I'm so not even trying anymore.

Still though, she turns and looks. "What where?" I don't care. I don't want to know where her brain is, or where anyone else's is for that matter. I just want to get Jase, find the Red Queen, and get the hell out of here.

"It hasn't arrived yet you have to keep watching." Taking the key from her pocket I head down the hall, gazing in each door I pass. Not too much to see. Each room has pretty much the same amount of nothing. Watch him be in the very last one."

-ooooooo-

Reaching the last door, I shove it open and shake my head as a very depressed looking Jason greets me. "How you doing?"

Raising his head, he shrugs. "Been better." Yeah, me too.

Motioning for him to get up, I don't think we have much time here. "Come on, we've got to go before Trini recalls she has a brain." When he doesn't move, I give him a stern look. "Jase come on." We don't have time for this; we have to get to the Red Queen. And am I obsessing about that or what.

Still sitting, head in hands, he looks at me miserably. "But I'm in jail." But you're in ja-oh for crying out loud! This is so far beyond being too much for me.

Crossing over to him, I quickly grab his arms and haul him to his feet. "Yeah an I'm in an insane asylum. Just shut up and lets go."

To be continued………

(1) The pin incident was from the movie 'Alice through the Looking Glass'.

(2) The Mad Hatter was thrown in jail in the book 'Alice through the Looking Glass'.

The Queen is coming up, YAY!

Oh and a survey is needed. Alright now I must have all the fabulous readers choices fairly soon for this because this info will be needed in the next part. So…

If you had your choice of one of the following things to happen which would you choose?

Tommy's skirt gets pulled up

Jase and Tommy have to kiss

Jason does a little song and dance

Tommy does a little song and dance


	6. This is Egghausting

Summary – More poems?

-o-

This is Egg-hausting 

Tommy

-o-

"So what exactly were you planning on doing that got you thrown in jail?" Quickly walking away from Trini's white castle-like home/jail, we head off again.

Keeping pace with me, Jase seems to be feeling better now that he's out of there. For a minute I was a little worried I'd have to leave him. "The crimes we do, the loves we love, Passion is a crime for you, my little dress wearing dove." Not this rhyming crap again. I thought that'd all been knocked out of him. Did he just call me a dove?

"Forget I asked." We're never going to get out of this, I just know it. There's probably not even a Red Queen here, probably no palace, no queen, no way home, no-"Hey look!" Reaching the top of the hill we're currently drudging up, we can now clearly see another palace in the distance. It may be surrounded by a huge wall, but glory be, it's _**red**_!

"You're easily impressed, aren't you?" Shut up. "Hmm, well I suppose we should find the gate keeper to let us onto the grounds so we can get to the palace…unless of course you'd like to do that backwards instead of forwards, but for that to happened we'd have to go to the end then back to the middle and finally the beginning." Shut up.

Giving him a look, I vow to just remain quiet until we at least get past the huge wall that's standing between us and our ticket out of here. That does look like a pretty big wall though, even from way back here. "Lets go."

-ooooooooo-

(2 rhymes, 2 death threats, and 1 hour later)

"So, where is this gate keeper guy who'll let us in?" Examining the brick wall before us, I'm a bit surprised by how thin it seems. No doubt it's definitely too high to climb over, but it's so thin maybe we can find a really weak point and use something to break through it. Hey we are Power Rangers here, I think a little morphing here, a little blasting there and we can go through this thing.

"Hmm, he's supposed to be around here somewhere." Walking a little ways away from me, Jase scans the top of the barrier critically. What, he's like in a tower or something? I didn't see any guard towers when we walked up. Come to think of it I don't recall any guard towers in the story either. "Found him!"

Looking way down the wall, I see Jase standing a few feet back and staring intently at some large white object on the top of it. What is that? Jogging over to him, I only realize what the thing is when I get right to them. An egg. No, no, not just an egg, _the_ egg. Humpty Dumpty himself. "Of course."

"Who are you?" Wait a second…Mrs. Applebee? No way! Okay now Bulk and Skull, all right, I can accept that, but Mrs. Applebee was defiantly _not _with us when we first started this little trip through the nuthouse!

"I'm the Cheshire Cat and this is Thomas." Yeah, you just talk for me there Jase while I try to get a grip on myself here. This isn't right! I want to talk to the writer here.

"That's a rather idiotic name. What does it mean?" Looking at me, she seems to be waiting for a response. Um, I don't have one. Why is my name the dumb one? He's called Cheshire, that doesn't out weird Thomas?

"Does it have to mean anything? It's just a name. It's just what I'm called. And for that matter, like Humpty Dumpty's such a great name." Am I really standing her arguing the point of names with my egg teacher?...well I guess that sort of makes sense though, teacher, egghead…alright I need a nap or something. Gee what great use of time when I'm so close to getting to the Red Queen.

"It is indeed." Huffing, and I think glaring at me, she goes on in a very livid tone. "It describes who I am and my shape. With a name like Thomas, why you could be any shape at all." Yeah, well we'll see what shape yer in when you fall off that damn wall.

"Well at least I know better then to be sitting on walls that I could easily fall off of." When she gives me another look, I launch into the stupid poem before I can catch myself. "(1)Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the King's horses and all the King's men, couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again." So there.

"How ridiculous. Not to mention completely inaccurate." Oh really. "Just for your information, I'll have you know that the King has promised me that if I were to fall, I won't, but if I were to, he had promised to send all his horses and men to help me." I'll bet.

"Alright so he sends them, that doesn't mean they'll be able to do anything to help you. The horses'll probably lick you up before the men can even think of some way to put you together again. I mean how would horses be able to help you anyway?" Duh. They'd probably stand around and make scrambled eggs. Okay ick factor there.

"Of all the insolence, why on Earth should I listen to you? You who can't even make up your mind whether you're a boy or girl." That's it she's going down! Why don't you lean over sister and shake my hand, hmm? Just lean way, way over now…

"Um, yes well." Cutting me off, before I can speak again, Jase grins at her. "Uh, you see we didn't actually come here to have a discussion, we actually need a way into the palace if you please." Well I would complain, but he's actually acting sensible and like Jase here, so I guess I'll just be quiet.

"The palace you say. Well now why should I direct you to the palace when your companion is so deeply offensive? The queen would take his head off she would." Yeah especially after I knock you off that damn wall and step on your head. Okay, now probably isn't the best time to start snickering. "I'll make you a deal though." Oh let me try and contain my rapture.

"Alright, what would you like?" I really don't think we should be making deals with this egghead, Jase. She gave me a D on my math quiz last week, me and her aren't exactly on the best terms right now.

Looking remotely thoughtful, she remains silent for a good two minutes before finally coming back to life. "I'll tell you where the doors are located if you perform a minor task." Right, how minor are we talken here?

"How minor." Though I do try, I just can't keep the bite out of my voice. She's ticking me off, she could just tell us where the damn doors are you know.

"Do a little dance." Excuse you? When I give her a look, she remains completely serious. "Do a dance to amuse me and then perhaps I will tell you how to get into the palace courtyard." How about I just pull you off the wall and then use your smashed head to boost me up and over the wall?

"What dance does he have to do?" Jason!? Who's side are you one here? Geez. When he sees my shocked and outraged look, he shrugs. "What? You want to get into the palace or not?" Oh _now _he wants to be all logical.

"It all depends." Great, what now? "Where you born a Unicorn, Vedgar, Rature, or Sagita?" I don't even want to know…nope not gonna ask at all. When I shrug, she sighs in irritation. Well excuse me ever so much for not speaken the language of the mentally insane. "Well then what's it say on your undergarments?" Like I'd know wh-hey! Okay total breech of etiquette here!

"I don't know and I'm certainly not checking, so you can just forget it! I'll just find my own way into the palace. So th-HEY!" Jumping away from the hands that have suddenly yanked the skirt of my dress up, I whip around and glare at Jason. "What the hell do you think you're doing!?"

Looking seriously back at Mrs. Applebee, he doesn't seem the least bit remorseful. "They're bunnies, now will you tell him what to do so he doesn't have a conniption?" You are so getting left here…I do not have bunny underwear!

Grumbling, I grab Jason and put him in front of me, his back to me. "Hold yer coat out." Grabbing his coat and pulling it to the sides while I bark the order, I hope that's good enough to block her view of me. When he grabs his coat and keeps it in place as I'd instructed, I quickly lift up the damn dress enough to see my underwear, which show through the white tights easily. I'll be damned, they do have bunnies on them. Well ain't that great.

"Are you done yet?" Yeah, yeah, you can just stand there, bunnies or not you shouldn't have done that.

Grumbling, I smooth the dress back out and step back around Jase. "Tell us how to get in the palace now. I think getting to see my underwear should be enough of a trade off. Hell I think seeing me in a dress should be enough of a trade off!" There how can you argue with that?

"No dance, no deal." Damn it. "Since you're wearing bunny panties though, I've decided on a different dance. You do the 'Bunny Hop' for five minutes and then I'll tell you how to get into the palace." I am not doing any Bunny Hop dance. Nope, this is right where I draw the line.

-ooooooooo-

(1 Bunny Hop dance and several swear words not suitable for children later)

"Very good! I must say I've seen better, but it was most amusing. You'll find the doors a ways down the wall in that direction. Knock three times for them to open." Clapping and cheering in amusement, she is so asking me to give her a good hard shov-oh boy. I didn't do it. As she suddenly begins swaying unsteadily, Jase and I don't have time to react before she quickly topples over the opposite side of the wall. The squishy smack and crack sound that follows makes both of us cringe. Um, maybe she's okay?

"She's not coming back is she?" Well I certainly hope not. Serves her right. I warned her not to sit on the all, I told her the stupid poem about what would happen, and what'd she give me for all my trouble? Do a dance, strip, sing the song. Well really serves her right.

"Nope." Moving down the wall, I breathe a tired sigh as the large wooden doors come into view. We are getting the hell out of here and I mean now. Knocking three times, I scream in frustration as the doors open and the palace is in clear view, right behind the seventy achers of rose buses and animal shaped plants. Heading straight for the rose garden in front of me, I don't even wait for Jase to comment. "I hate this place."

Following closely behind, Jase has to jog to keep up with me. "You have cute underwear...do you always wear the ones with the bunnies on them?" Death to everyone.

To be continued…….

(1)

_Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,_

_Humpty Dumpty had a great fall._

_All the King's horses and all the King's men,_

Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty in his place again.

Alice recites this to Humpty Dumpty in the story 'Alice Through the Looking Glass' and to herself in the movie 'Through the Looking Glass'.

So very VERY close to the end, just two more parts I think. Yep, and next part they reach the queen. YAY!

"You shouldn't tease them like this. You're gonna have some veeery angry people if you don't deliver soon, kitten." Laying back in the tub and relaxing in his bubble bath, Jason splashes Tommy with a bit of water.

"Hey! If you don't cut that out, I'm coming in there to get you." Tommy growls and moves over on the vanity, still playing with Kitty's fingernail polish bottles.

"Promises, promises." Jase casually splashes him again.

"That's it!" Tommy hops off the counter nearly toppling the bottle of contact solution. Striping quickly, Tommy practically throws himself into the tub and onto Jason.

"You two stop that! Geez can't even put on my eyeliner in peace." Kitty grumbles and tries for the third time to apply the black makeup.

"Hey get out!" Trying to shove Tommy out of the tub, Jase is getting water everywhere.

"Guys I'm warning yo-OW!"

Tommy and Jase cringe and both quickly climb out of the tub and race out the door. Once safe in the other room they exchange looks. "She's going to kill us when she can see out of that eye again."

Jason nods. "That'll teach her to put a sharp object by her eye when we're in the same room though."


	7. A Royal Pain

Summary – Off with his head! No not really.

-o-

A Royal Pain

Tommy

-o-

"Must you be in such a hurry? Purr-haps its best if we-" Jason, not now, okay. I cannot and will not take any distractions when I'm so freaken close to the end here. Just be quiet, get you're claws ready, and-

"Hurry up already!" What now? "We have to hurry or else it's off with our heads!" Oh joy, something new. Heading towards the panicked voice, we quickly come upon the very people who I don't want to see right now.

"Well, finish you're tea party?" Leaning against a large, stone dragon statue, I watch a little perplexed as Kim and Zack slop green pain onto the red roses. Um, correct me if I'm wrong here, but shouldn't they be painting them red, not green? Perhaps it's a Christmas theme.

"You, dress boy, don't just stand there, get a brush and help us!" She did not just call me dress boy. That's it, this bunny is getten her little tail chopped off.

"Looky here, girlie-" Taking a step toward her, I'm stopped as Jase grabs my arm. "I'm not going to hurt her, just maybe spill a little paint on her. You know animal activist thing and all that?" When he shakes his head, I let it drop with a pout. "I hate this place."

"Yes, well hate it while you help us." I think I'd rather not, Zack. Especially after the whole Tea Party scandal. Wait a second…something's off here, aren't the card guards supposed to be doing this? Yeah, that's how the story goes, the cards paint the roses red, not the Playboy Bunny girl and Mad Hatter paint them green.

"Um, I can't, I have to go see the Red Queen. Maybe later." Backing up, I take Jason's arm and start to lead him away. Hmm, now don't get me wrong here, but something's off. Yes, I know the entire thing is off in more ways then one, but still, this is really not right. "Come on, we have to get to the palace."

"Maybe we should have helped them." Yeah and maybe I'd like to finish this story from hell and get home. Besides we are helping them, the sooner we get to the palace and talk to the queen the sooner we can get everyone out of here…well in theory anyway.

Approaching the palace steps, we've finally made it. "They'll be fine. Besides, how can the queen cut off their heads if we keep her busy? Now come on." Taking the stairs two at a time, not easy in a dress I might add, we quickly make it to the doors and burst in. Hey, I am so over being subtle and polite here, okay.

"Probably shouldn't have done that." Looking worriedly around the great entrance hall, Jase hangs back a little ways from me.

"What's the worst that could happen?" I probably shouldn't have said that, huh. Yep, just got us both killed right then, I know. Well I'm new to this superhero thing, I forget that rule sometimes.

"That." See? Turning to see where he's looking, I nearly yelp as I see putties dressed as playing cards suddenly surrounding us. Where'd they come from? Oh, okay I get it, alright, very amusing. So the queen is Rita, huh? Well duh on the Green Boy, guess I should have seen that little one coming. Before either of us can move, we've been grabbed by the card putties, if that's an accurate name, and dragged through another set of huge doors at the end of the entrance hall.

Thrown into what looks like the thrown room, the putties actually move away from us and go to stand by the doors. Strangeness. But then I guess we aren't getting out of here with them guarding the only exit so…

"I was wondering if you'd ever arrive." The deep voice snaps my attention to the thrown a few feet away from us. Okay, that's definitely not Rita's voice. Gazing at the cloaked figure sitting on the golden thrown, I bite back the urge to comment as I can't see who it is under the hood of the red garment. Came all this freaken way and they can't even show me a face. Well isn't that just peachy.

"Who are you?" Does it really matter at this point? I mean seriously now is that really the main goal here? "No, you know what, I don't care who you are, I just want my friends back and to go home-"

"Silence is a virtue, one can not deny, for it is silence that will show you, the truth from the lie." That's great. Good luck with that.

"Look are you in charge here or not? Cuz right now I need to find whoever's in charge around here so I can ask them, or maim them, or beg them, or whatever, just get them to send me home!" I swear if this nutcase tells me to go back to the beginning here, there's gonna be a lot of red liquid on this polished floor real soon.

"Stupid child, still has yet to learn anything." Why don't you take off the cover and come down here, I'll show ya what I've learned.

"How can I learn anything when all that there is to learn around here is nonsense!?" Okay breath, Tommy, just breath. In, out, in, out, it will not do anyone any good for you to go hyperventilating here.

"Oh little nonsense now and then is reveled by the wisest men." I'm not amused. And I know that's from 'Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory', so don't even try it.

"I want to go home!"

"Is that all? Well you should have said something." Reaching up, the hood is slowly drawn back and down. Oh my god, it can't be. "You are home."

To be continued……


	8. Not what it seems

Summary – Bringing it to a close.

-o-

Not What it Seems

Tommy

-o-

Staring is disbelief, I don't even know how to react to this. "You're, you're-"

"_Tommy, come on bro, Tom, come on come back to us_." As the whispered voices invade my suddenly aching head, I clench my eyes shut and try to will the sudden flare of pain away. God what is that?!

"_Tommy, I think he's coming back, Tommy come on hang in there for us_." What is that?! Dropping to my knees, I'm vaguely surprised to feel the floor is no longer hard and cold, but very soft and comfortable. Lay down, I need to lay down before I pass out. Jase help me…

"_He's coming around_." Too much noise. How can whispers be so loud?

"_That a boy, come on stay with us this time. We don't want to loss you again…give him another shot of the serum_." Jason?

"_Come on Tommy, open your eyes for us_." What? Zack?

Forcing my eyes open, I try to see through the blinding light that's around me. Geez, bright lights and a migraine do not mix. Where am I? What happened to the thrown room? Am I on a bed? "J-Jase?"

"Yeah, I'm right here, bro. Come on stay with us." As my eyes start to focus somewhat to the lighting, I see I'm in my chambers at the Command Center. What the hell am I doing here? Sitting next to me on my bed, Jase quickly gives me a shot of something blue, before handing the empty syringe back to Billy. Ow, what was that?

"Bright, too bright." Will someone please turn down the lights and then tell me what's going on?

"Okay, just stay still." Hurrying to the light switch, Kim quickly puts the dimmer on and lowers the harshness of the ceiling lights to a soft glow. Much better. Still a little too bright, but definitely more tolerable then before.

Turning a little on my side, I bite back a yelp as my apparently bruised ribs come into pressured contact with the mattress. "What happened? How did we get here?" What the hell happened to the palace?

Easing me back onto my back, Jason is trying to be as gentle as he can, but still manages to hit a soar spot on my stomach accidentally. "Easy, you have to take it easy for a little while, bro. You're not hurt that bad, but you took a really hard hit from that monster's energy blast." Energy blast?

"But how did we get here? I mean how did we get out of the story?" I don't remember being teleported back here. I didn't defeat anyone or anything, so how did we get back?

Exchanging looks with each other, they seem to be either really worried, or trying not to laugh at me. I don't like those looks. Finally Jason seems to decide to go for it. "Tommy we destroyed the monster after you were hit, then we teleported you back here and we've been looking after you for about three hours now…What story?" What? No, no, see that isn't what happened, we…I mean…oh man.

"I…we got put in the story…we…I just…we were in the story 'Alice in Wonderland' Rita sent us there." Closing my eyes, I try to figure out just how real that dream must have been. I know we were there. We had to be. It was too real.

Moving next to Jason, Zack seems to be gong for a sympathetic look, but isn't pulling it off very well. "Um, you were asleep, here, the whole time, Tommy. We thought you were coming around once or twice before, but you never really did. We were getting really worried, when you just came around. Bro, it was just a dream." No it wasn't. I know it wasn't. Too real, far too real. Maybe they just don't remember. That's possible right? I mean…okay so it was a dream and I'm acting crazy.

"Oh, okay." Turning away from them, I just want them to go away for a little while. It just seemed so real.

"Tommy, extravagant dreams are very common when under a lot of strain. The subconscious does that so that you won't feel the pain you're in. Also the serum we gave you has some side effects that probably helped it along." That's great Billy, please go away now.

"K, I'm gonna sleep some more now." I am such a dork. When I hear them all sigh and slowly leave, I breathe a little shaky breath. It was a dream, all that and it was just a dream. Okay so I said I wanted to come home and all, but still it's just a little disappointing I went through all that and it wasn't even real.

"Hey. Come on talk to me." Jase, I thought you left. Figures he won't listen. Didn't listen in my dream world either.

"G'away." I don't want to talk about my little heroic dream, okay.

Moving to sit back down on the bed, this time on the other side, which I've rolled onto, he sighs and begins brushing my hair back out of my flushed face. "Come on, tell me about your dream. I promise I won't make fun." Yeah right. I'll be the laughing stock of the team.

"No."

"Why not? Please. At least tell me what character I was." Sigh, he's not going to go away until I do, is he? Probably not. Well I guess it won't hurt to just tell him that.

"The Cheshire Cat." Now go away so I can lay here in quiet and stare at the wall. I really should decorate my room like the others have. I've been here long enough I guess that I should see this as my room and put a little décor up.

"Really?" The pleased tone in his voice makes me look up at him curiously. You like that? Well, I guess you were kind of cool as the annoying Cheshire Cat. "Who were the others?" Well he is listening and he does seem to want to hear it. I guess there's no harm in telling him.

"Kim was a sort of a Playboy bunny version of the white rabbit. Trini was the Duchess, she threw you in jail once. Billy was the Caterpillar, you threatened to claw his eyes out. Zack was the Mad Hatter, Tweedledum and Tweedledee where Bulk and Skull, and Humpty Dumpty was Mrs. Applebee." When he begins laughing, I can't help but smile and inch a little closer to him. So you don't think I'm nuts right?

"Humpty Dumpty was Mrs. Applebee?! Well that is certainly a mental image I won't soon forget." Grinning, he leans back against the pillows and headboard, threading his fingers through my hair. That's really nice, I'll tell you more if you keep doing that. "So, who were you?" Okay I don't want to tell you that.

Still though, if I keep talking he'll keep soothing my headache like he is. Looking away, I begin absently picking at a loss thread on my blanket. "Um, Alice." When he begins to laugh again, I smack his leg fairly hard. "S'not funny, I had to wear the dress and everything."

Now going into a hysteric fit of laughter, he's so asking for trouble. "Oh man, okay, I'm sorry, I'm not laughing _at_ you, I'm laughing _with_ you." I'm not laughing smart-ass.

"Yeah whatever, you just laugh it up." Okay so it's a little funny, but that's beside the point. I've just been through a seriously traumatic event here and I do not find it so amusing…okay so just a little. "You all are never gonna let me live this down are you?"

Smiling, he shakes his head. "Naw, don't worry about it. Once when Kim was knocked out she dreamed she was the little mermaid. Sang 'Under the Sea' in her sleep for like two hours…oh and you are never allowed to tell her that I told you that." Too late, have to now. Suddenly he goes a tad more serious though. "Are you okay though, I mean really, are you feeling okay?"

"Been better, but at least I still have my head, right?" Yawning and stretching the stiffness out of my muscles, I settle down to take another nap. Whatever they gave me in that shot must have had some type of sedative to it, I so need more sleep.

"True…sleep bro. I'll call your parents and tell them you're spending the night at my place." Thanks. Pausing for a moment, I feel him gently nudge me. "Um, Tommy, just one more thing. Who was the Red Queen? Rita?"

Snickering, I try to keep my laughter from erupting out of my throat. "No, not Rita." He's never gonna get this.

Sitting back down, I open my eyes a bit to see him looking thoughtful. "Um…was it-"

Pushing myself up, I wrap my arms around his neck and give him a playful kiss on the cheek. "You'd never believe me if I told you, cat boy."

The End


End file.
